PUN ARK HIVES

Doc West shuns the music and 'The Ants are My Friends' are in a punderful celebration of song in a book by International Punsters of the Year, Richard Lederer and Stan Kegel.

October 11, 2007

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

OCTOBER 10, 2007

International Punsters of the Year, Richard Lederer and Stan Kegel have given us a PUNDERFUL celebration of Song. It's their new book,

"THE ANTS ARE MY FRIENDS"

Word play in tune with puns. Your copy is available on and after November 1st. Contact Kathleen Furore, kfurore@marionstreetpress.com Tell her you heard it from The International Save the Pun Foundation.

October 9, 2007

Here are the Yogi Berra quotes as spoken by one of America's favorite baseball players.

It ain't over till it's over.

This is like deja vu all over again.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

The future ain't what it used to be.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future.

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded.

I don't know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going because you might not get there.

I don't want to make the wrong mistake.

If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

Interviewer - "Why, you're a fatalist !" - Yogi Berra - "You mean I save postage stamps? Not me."

Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

Mrs. Lindsay - "You certainly look cool." - Yogi Berra - "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."

I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.

"That ain't the way to spell my name."--After he got a check that read 'Pay to bearer'.

How can you hit and think at the same time?

You can observe a lot just by watchin'

Always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't go to yours.

Never answer an anonymous letter.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

When asked what time it is: "Do you mean now?"

For a spring training drill, Yogi instructed his players to: "Pair off in threes."

Reporter: "What would you do if you found a million dollars?" Yogi: "If the guy was poor, I'd give it back."

I usually take a two hour nap from one to four.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left.

I never said most of the things I said.

October 5, 2007

Condemnation: A land devoid of S.T.D's

October 3, 2007 (not necessarily a pun, but phun with words)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with grandma and grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now grandma and grandpa live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked centre, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but in it they all jump up and down with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. They go cruising in their golf carts!

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night--- early birds.

Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked centre for pot luck.

My grandma says that grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.

Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.

OCTOBER 2, 2007

Marcel was quite gifted with poise.
His antics were one of life's joys.
He was truly a pro,
So I think we should show
Respect with a moment of noise.

Kirk Miller

OCTOBER 1 2007

Somewhere in the middle yeast after the unleaventh century a tall
structure began to rise. Because it was used to store wheat, the
emperor called it his Tower of Bagel. Unfortunately marauders kept
graining entrance to the structure and plundering his supply. That must
have been before he put lox on it.

Gary Hallock